Home Grief and Loss 4 Ways to Comfort a Widower Who is Grieving

4 Ways to Comfort a Widower Who is Grieving

by Leona Small

Losing a spouse is an incredibly painful experience, and for widowers, navigating through grief can feel like an overwhelming journey. While the grieving process is unique to each individual, offering support and comfort to a widower during this time can be deeply meaningful.

In this blog post, we’ll explore four ways to provide solace and assistance to a widower who is mourning the loss of their partner. From offering a listening ear to practical acts of kindness, these gestures can help ease the burden of grief and provide much-needed comfort during a challenging period of adjustment.

ways to comfort a widower feature image - a widower mourning the loss of his late spouse while sitting on a couch looking at a photo after his wife died

It’s a known and well-researched fact that before the death of a spouse, married men enjoy better health and greater longevity than those who are not married.

But there’s a big problem once a spouse dies.

Of all the unmarried people, those with the worst health and an unfortunately increased risk of death are those who are widowed. Widowhood increases economic vulnerability and financial strain, especially for women and racial and ethnic minorities.

As noted in our article on 8 ways to help a widower, there is significantly less written on helping widowers than there is on helping widows. This is because women overwhelmingly outlive men, so it only makes sense that there is more content on widows.

However, widowers need help as well, evidenced by the prevalence of widower’s syndrome.

What is Widower’s Syndrome

Widower’s syndrome is when older adults who have lost a spouse face an increased risk of dying due to possible causes such as self-neglect, lack of a support network, suffering from a long illness themselves combined with a loss of the will to live after a spouse passes, lack of professional help in learning to cope, or just general pain and heartbreak. It’s also sometimes called the widowhood effect and typically refers to someone who dies three months or less after his spouse dies.

Loss of income is sometimes cited as a reason for why widowhood brings negative effects on health among women but this hasn’t necessarily been found to be true for men.

In one National Institutes of Health study from 2014, researchers looked at the positive side of widowhood and found that older adults can be highly resilient and successfully cope and adapt to the loss of a spouse. Social support is what alleviates the deleterious effects of negative life events, even if that means just one friend speaking the right words into a cell phone from many miles away.

many friends of a fairly young age spending time together in the early days of being a new widow after a spouse died in community together

6 Stages of Grief for a Widower

There are seven stages in the grieving process for a widower. Understanding these can help you offer much compassion for a friend or loved one who has lost their spouse.

While these stages are listed in numerical order, they are not necessarily linear. A widower could start at one stage, move backward, forward again, etc. as everyone experiences grief differently.

1 – Denial and Disbelief

The denial and disbelief stage is often associated with uncontrollable emotions. It’s closely associated with a state of shock. Along with these feelings is a type of brain fog that includes short-term memory loss for widows and widowers alike.

a new widow of a fairly young age sitting on steps outside of his house in the early stages of grief after losing his wife and friend

Feeling that a spouse’s absence is only temporary is common. What goes with this denial is the feeling that any minute, she will be preparing your dinner. Another characteristic is attemtping to talk to the spouse as if she is there. This occurs until there is acceptance that she’s not coming back.

2 – Anger

A widower’s anger could be at oneself, at God, at any person the widower may see as having been negligent, etc. The anger is often manifested at those who are nearby. Expressing anger and pain is better than holding it in, and these feelings are normal and valid. However, asking for forgiveness when you take your anger out on others is important.

3 – Bargaining for a Different Outcome

Widowers may start asking God why He didn’t take you instead of your spouse. It may involve bargaining for a different outcome. Even though this may be irrational, it’s an exceptionally common response. The widower may promise to make changes, to repent, even to offer his life in exchange for the return of his wife.

4 – Guilt

Guilt occurs because many people believe that they should have been the person who died instead of the spouse. It’s associated with self-blame. Guilt starts by making a widower feel there were things he should have done differently but then exaggerates itself if he starts feeling bad for being alive, eating, breathing, and progressing forward in life. Guilt can progress to depression.

a man with his head in his hands after losing a spouse, feeling lost as he navigates grief

5 – Depression

Depression may take time to develop. Caregivers may be looking for it from the outset wondering why it isn’t immediate. Depression is a common response, and it will almost certainly come when the widower is coming to accept that nothing will bring his wife back and widowhood is his reality. Special occasions can also sometimes trigger feelings of depression and despair.

Watch for signs such as the inability to sleep, appetite loss, sadness that doesn’t leave, lethargy, and feeling as if there’s not much hope.

If you or a loved one do experience these feelings, remember that professional help specifically for navigating grief does exist, and can oftentimes be very beneficial even if it just allows the space to talk. Additionally, professionals working in this space tend to not offer unsolicited advice, which can be difficult to avoid from well-intentioned friends.

6 – Acceptance

In this final stage of grief, the remaining spouse begins looking forward instead of backward. They are accepting their situation. It may take a few years to enter this stage but it is possible. Just know that acceptance is not necessarily the same as hope. The pain will likely linger for quite some time.

4 Main Ways to Comfort a Widower

There are absolutely things you can do to comfort a widower. Some of the best ways to comfort a newly widowed person is through conversation. Listen to the widow as they share some of the tough feelings they’re working through. Sit with them and invite conversation. Imagine how their lives have changed, engage in conversation as you walk with them to get their body moving. Spend time in conversation with their family and their children. Suggest specific things you’d like to do with them to eliminate the burden for them of having to come up with ways for you to be helpful to them. Mention that you’re willing to just sit with them in silence. Offer to learn a new skill with them.

For more specific ideas, including exactly what to say to a newly widowed individual, keep reading.

1 – Comforting a Widower with Your Heart Through Words

Words can be as sweet as honey or cut like a dagger. Choosing your words carefully is one of the best ways to comfort a widower, and those words can affect the outcome of a widower’s life. We are all prone to accept words spoken to us as ‘gospel’ whenever we are in a state of trauma or are in a highly charged emotional experience.

What to Say to a Widower

Saying the right things is important. Here are some examples:

  • I’m sorry for your loss.
  • My condolences.
  • I’m very sorry you are going through this.
  • My heart goes out to you during this time of grief and readjustment.

These statements express heartfelt intentions to the widower. They do not harm in any way.

  • She will be missed a lot!

This comforting statement assures the widower he is not alone in missing her.

  • I’m here for you.
  • I’m listening. I’m always willing to listen to whatever you’d like to share.

The #1 thing a widower needs is to be listened to. Maybe he is feeling some guilt about something not done for his spouse. Maybe he wants to confide in someone (you) about a situation. Listening is the best thing and your best skill to pull on throughout the grief process.

  • I love you.
  • You are in my thoughts and prayers.

These statements express love and intentionality. Religious and spiritual individuals may appreciate you including them in your prayers.

  • You are not alone.

This is comforting because in grief, there is always a feeling of aloneness, and a feeling that others have no concept of what the person is going through.

an older man sitting down in grief with his hands blocking his face after losing a spouse

What Not to Say to a Widower

Just as there are comforting things that may be said, some statements can bring harm. Here’s a list of some of them.

  • Well, at least you had 40 years with her…

This statement doesn’t lessen the pain in any way, shape, or form. It lends an air that says, “Get over it. You had your good times. It’s over now.”

  • She’s in a better place.

This statement is a judgment on your part. The problem is that you aren’t sitting in the judgment seat at the person’s time of death. We can never know the state of another person’s heart or the state of their soul/spirit. Thus, you may think that it’s comforting for a widower to hear this statement but it may bring up doubt and anxiety that the deceased really is in a better place, and that’s a frightening thought likely to bring up more guilt.

  • Everything happens for a reason.

This statement assumes that evil does not exist. Evil can interrupt a good person’s life and take them out before their time. Perhaps good can eventually occur as a result, such as in the woman whose family member died from a drunk driver, and she started an organization called Moms Against Drunk Driving (MADD). But these good things can’t be seen during the grieving process, as no one has a crystal ball to look into the future.

  • You’ll feel better in time. Time heals all wounds.

This statement doesn’t help the now period of time they are in.

  • How are you?

This question is insensitive. How do you expect them to be – happy and joyful? Unconcerned about all the changes that are looming on the horizon?

  • Everything is going to turn out okay.

This is called “forecasting,” or looking into the crystal ball. Do you really have that kind of power?

  • At least you had time to prepare for her death.

There is no training anyone can take to prepare for someone’s death psychologically. There is financial planning, but no psychological planning. Thus, when death occurs, there will be several steps someone goes through no matter if the death was expected or not.

  • It’s been a few weeks. Isn’t it time to get over it?

This is a very damaging statement because it assumes the grieving person isn’t meeting your expectations. It’s also potentially narcissistic, as often the person saying it wants the help of the person for something.

  • How did she die?

If the grieving widower answers this question, he is essentially reliving the incident. If the widower was on the scene at the time of the death, your question is asking him to relive it. That’s like asking a veteran to relive the war events that caused their post-traumatic stress disorder. You are unnecessarily shifting their mind into a state of trauma.

2 – Your Good Memories of the Deceased Person

Sharing a memory does a lot of good to the soul of someone going through grief. First, it gives the griever another perspective of their loved one. In every relationship, there are always going to be good and bad experiences – and both will most likely be replayed in the grieving spouse’s mind. By giving him one or more pleasant memories you shared with the deceased person, you strengthen the links to those good events in his brain.

two friends that recently experienced a husband's death mourning a husband by looking at photos in a scrapbook

Sharing good memories also puts your friend in a better mindset and may help him prevent spiraling downward into depression. In fact, if you have several good memories, you might spread them out over time to share with your friend, giving him multiple boosts of positive energy that will last at least for a little while.

3 – Comforting a Widower with Your Heart Through Food

During the grieving process, making one’s own meals often seems like too much effort. Once the widower stops eating regular meals, it’s too easy for him to start developing deficiencies in B vitamins and minerals such as calcium and magnesium. A vitamin B deficiency, and deficiency of calcium and magnesium as well as a vitamin D deficiency will contribute to poor moods and depression.

One of the best things you can do is make sure the widower is eating regular meals. Getting him qualified for Meals on Wheels or bringing one of his favorite meals to his house can help this process. Also, consider the idea of checking with the person to ensure he is taking at least a multivitamin/mineral tablet (this is our recommended multivitamin for men over 50, that their vitamin D daily intake is good (about 65-75 ng/ml is excellent), and that they’re getting extra calcium and magnesium (these are difficult to get in the normal diet) – this is our favorite supplement that is inclusive of all of these – vitamin D, calcium, and magnesium, all of which support overall bone health.

an example of a surefure way to comfort friends or family as everyone grieves differently - bring food!

These meals don’t have to be overly difficult to prepare or complex – a simple container with a nutritious, simple meal can go a long way in comforting someone and providing a little relief for them in not having to worry about their next meal.

4 – Comforting a Widower with Your Heart Through Action

When someone is navigating grief, he or she will not want to do ‘usual’ activities, especially the ones that are drudgery to begin with. The list includes laundry, dishes, cleaning the bathroom, going shopping, and even doing daily activities with the pets such as giving them food and water or taking them (or their dog) out for walks.

You can be the one who devotes two hours a week to one of these activities, or you could hire someone to help the widower for a period of a few to several months. Your efforts will not go unnoticed.

when you don't know the right words to say, get out in nature with friends! a photo of three people a walk with their dog

Another action that has long-reaching benefits is to consider giving the widower a tin of the Bach Flower Emergency Rescue Formula Remedies Pastilles.

These are very diluted flower essences – which will not interfere with any medication usage. They are specific for ‘rescuing’ the person from emotions that are raging, whether the emotion is grief, sadness, depression, anxiety, or anger.

One additional action could be including the widower in some of your own plans. For example, when you go to your place of worship and hear an uplifting message, wouldn’t it be great for the widower to hear it, too? For holidays or special occasions, consider including the widower in your family plans. Are your friends getting together for a game night and would your friend going through a hard time appreciate an invite? If so, be sure to extend one as it’s these types of activities that really enrich the lives of those you love as they navigate this new chapter of being a widow or widower.

a widowed man in grief, feeling lost sitting in his house after losing a loved one such as a friend


In conclusion, supporting a widower through their grieving process requires empathy, patience, and understanding. Whether it’s offering a listening ear, providing practical assistance, encouraging self-care, or simply being present, these gestures can make a profound difference in their healing journey. By extending compassion and support, we can help widowers navigate the complexities of grief with greater ease and find solace in knowing they are not alone in their journey toward healing.

Lastly, it’s important to remember that in the early stages of grief they may not want to talk just yet, and they may not know the type of support they need. Greet them with an open heart, acknowledge their pain, give them space if they need it, and don’t forget to say their loved one’s name – you’d be surprised at how important and helpful this small step can be.

About the Authors

Leona Small is a freelance writer and former caregiver. She has experience working with people with Alzheimer’s Disease and related dementias and has spent years working alongside both patients and caregivers in Hospice. Additionally, she’s worked as a Professional Organizer helping people and families to purge, organize, manage, and prepare for various life transitions such as moving, downsizing, and the passing of loved ones. Her passions include writing about healthy aging, innovative resources to help older adults and caregivers, and traveling.


Greg April 19, 2022 - 8:06 pm

He could be having feelings like I do as time passes since my wife of over 50 years died 6 months ago. Life would be better if I were dead than to live without her. I have been told that things will get better over time but it’s not true. It only gets worse everyday. Life can’t get better because the other half of me is already dead. The guy you’re dating is not getting any medical attention because may be wanting to end it all without taking his own life for fear of going to hell since suicide is supposedly an unforgivable sin and there’s hope he’ll see his wife again in heaven. Anyway that’s what going through my mind more and more these days.

Maurine Muma April 10, 2022 - 2:54 pm

Hi am dating a widower things are not easy between us,but I keep on praying for him,I know he will overcome.

Greg April 3, 2022 - 5:23 pm

I think I’m going through the Widower’s Syndrome thing. My wife of over a half century died of cancer a little over 5 months ago after battling the disease for over 18 months. I had set her hospital bed up in our living room so she wouldn’t be isolated in a bedroom while I cared for her. We didn’t have any family living here in Georgia where we retired to help me care for Lillian and I really didn’t want a lot of people coming in that might give her the virus that was really bad at the time. I stayed by her side in my recliner for 18 months. She would panic if I wasn’t there so I just stayed in my recliner instead of going to bed at night. She was in so much pain she almost never slept longer than and hour or two at a time anyway so it was a 24 hour a day job giving her meds to her. That’s another story about the battles we had to fight with doctors to get her the pain medicine she needed. I told them she’s dying so why are you wanting her to live in pain? I finally got with a palliative care organization to get us the meds we needed. We didn’t want to get into hospice because that meant she couldn’t keep taking her chemo meds. We weren’t giving up. I kept a record of every pill and shot I gave her and the time so I wouldn’t forget and overdose her. It was really hard leaving her long enough to go to the pharmacy for her meds so we stayed on the phone together just in case she needed me to rush back home. She was in the hospital 9 times during this time usually for approx. 4 days for transfusions from internal bleeding and one long stay for a spine operation to install steel rods to support vertebras that cancer had eaten away and that was during the pandemic which made things even worse. At first I was only allowed to stay a couple of hours and she would panic when I had to leave. So I let her know I would be staying in the car in the hospital parking lot and if she needed me she knew all she had to do was call and I’d get to her one way or the other. That seemed to help some. We spent a lot of time crying and praying during that year and a half. The doctor had told us it was arthritis at first and then we were blind sided when I took her back to the hospital after a shoulder replacement operation when the pain was so bad she couldn’t stand it. The ER doctor took one look at her and said this is not pain from arthritis. He had a MRI done on her and a couple of hours later he came back and told us it was stage 4 lung cancer that had spread to the spine. A truck running over us couldn’t have done anymore damage. She had never smoked in her life but her mom and dad were heavy smokers so we think the second hand smoke did it. The last night she was alive I was getting her some pain medicine at the kitchen counter at 1:30 in the morning and writing it down when she called to me and said “Greg, I think I’m having another one of my spells again” She was talking about where she would start having a panic attack and start shaking all over. Normally I could put my arms around her and hold her and it would calm her down in a few minutes. But by the time I got from the kitchen to her bedside this time she never spoke another word. I was going crazy trying to wake her up and then she died in my arms from a massive stroke. I cannot get this out of my mind I think of it every few minutes out of every waking hour which is almost all the time because I don’t sleep very much. 4 days after my Lillian died I wound up in the hospital with a 100% blocked main artery in my heart the one they call the widow maker artery and I almost died and now I wish I had. I’m still a believer in God so jumping off a bridge is out of the question and Lillian also made me promise before she died that I wouldn’t do anything like that when she was gone so that we may see each other again someday. So it looks like I’m here to suffer this agony to the very end. I spend my days now looking at our old videos and pictures. From reading the info above about Widower’s Syndrome I seem to be in several of those stages instead of just one. I’m really not sure why I’m telling this but it seems to be easier to write about it than it is to talk about it to someone. I can’t talk about it to anyone without sounding like a blubbering idiot. Out of the 53 years we were together we were never apart except for one week one time back in March of 1985. We did every thing together. She was my best friend she was my soul mate. We had 4 kids together 2 girls and 2 boys. The girls passed away which is another story which about killed us both and we never got over it and I thought nothing could ever be any worse but I was wrong. Losing Lillian the love of my life has been even worse. We had each other when our daughters passed away but trying to get though this on my own is to much. And looking at our family photos when we were all in the same picture during happy times is just unbearable. Well that’s my life story in a nutshell. Anyone that reads this please forgive me for rambling on and sounding like the biggest crybaby of all time. I know people every where go through this all the time and they seem to get over it and some even remarry which appears to be ok according to the Bible. But I couldn’t ever do that to Lillian. I intend to see her again someday and there’ll be no one else I’ll ever be thinking of but her. It would be embarrassing to see her again and her knowing that I had someone else after she was gone.

Derrick April 6, 2022 - 7:05 pm

Thank you for sharing your story. It’s not easy.

Jim April 10, 2022 - 10:51 pm

Hello Greg,
Thanks for sharing your story, it was very moving, emotionally wrenching. My wife and partner of 33 years died 7 weeks ago. She was diagnosed last August with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. She chose home hospice. I supported her decision and stayed with her, tending to all her needs, repeat ALL, until she passed in February. That was the toughest tour of duty I ever pulled in my entire life. Then I started the long journey forward after her death — this is even more difficult, and most of the time I feel lost with no balance and in unfamiliar territory. Then I found this article and read what you went through. My heart goes out to you. Compared to yours, my travails seemed easy. You are an inspiration. Thank you.

Greg April 18, 2022 - 6:35 pm

Well Jim, I don’t see how I was an inspiration to you but if my story helped some then I’m glad you were able to get something from it.

It’s been 15 days since I wrote my story and I can honestly say it is still getting worse everyday. I grew up in the old days in the 50s when boys weren’t supposed to cry. I went all though grammar school and high school and never cried a single time no matter how bad I was hurt but now I have days when I can’t stop crying. I haven’t slept in 2 days now going on 3 since I ran out of my sleeping pills, Ambien. I take more than I’m supposed to now because it takes more and more to put me to sleep and it’ll be 2 more weeks before I can get the prescription filled again. I don’t know if a person can live that long without sleep or not. I guess I’ll find out. I take Xanax every 8 hours and Prozac twice a day. It doesn’t help any with sleep but it does appear to be helping some with the lightheadedness. The doctor said anxiety can cause a lot of things including lightheadedness.

I found out some news about my blocked artery in my heart and the stints that I spoke of in my first post from my old cardiologist that wasn’t present at the hospital the night I almost kicked the bucket. He pulled the images up on the computer in the examining room this past Thursday and told me you not only had a 100% blocked main artery but you also had a rupture and a blood clot but somehow you didn’t have a heart attack or a stroke. He didn’t know my wife had died and he asked me if I had some sort of dramatic event that happened near the time I became so lightheaded that it sent me to the emergency room. I told him my wife had died the same morning when it started. He said that most likely caused the rupture but the good news is somehow you didn’t have a heart attack. I asked him how is it possible to live with a totally blocked widow maker artery along with a rupture and a blood clot in the heart. He said the heart is an amazing organ and it had already started rerouting your blood through smaller veins to get around the blockage but the rupture happened when your wife died and it just wasn’t your time to go. He said normally some people die from a heart attack when something like this occurs but you didn’t and why I don’t know. He said he had been a doctor for almost 30 years and there’s a lot of things he had seen that he didn’t understand but it had done one thing for him though and that was to strengthen his belief in God.

Well I guess there has to be something to what he said and I should be grateful for the extension of life but I don’t really feel lucky or grateful. The sons I have are all grown with their own families and are doing really well financially and with their married lives and don’t need me around. My oldest son’s wife had stage 4 brain cancer during all of this terrible time of ours which made things even worse for Lillian and I from more worry and the fact we couldn’t help them. Our DIL was supposed to be dead by now but she is in remission. Simply amazing, they said the tumor was bigger than a golf ball and had spread to the limonoids. She had an operation and Proton therapy and massive amounts of chemo that’s worked so far. So they’re getting on with their lives now. I don’t seem to have a purpose in life and just find myself watching old videos and looking at pictures of my wife and I during happy times together.

I do pray a lot but evidently God won’t send you back in time to do things over. I mean how hard would it be for a guy that said let there be light and the whole universe lite up to send one old man back in time to his loved one?

I had to go to a oral surgeon last week to try and get 2 teeth taken care of that broke off while Lillian was sick and I couldn’t leave her long enough to go to a dentist. I’m on so much blood thinner it’s going to be hard to do. He says he can do one at a time and stitch it up before it bleeds to much. That’s scheduled to happen in 2 weeks. After that is over I’ll have to go back to my dentist to have some teeth made to fill in the blanks spaces. Maybe when I get myself back into somewhat better shape I’ll try getting out of the house to try and face the world once again. Right now I’m a recluse that wanders out to the mail box every few days and I roll the trash can to the end of the driveway once a week. I still have groceries delivered as we did while Lillian was sick. Anything else I need I order it from Amazon most of the time.

Our youngest son who has been working from home in Seattle since he onset of the pandemic started to grow his hair long for his mom to have for her loss of hair during the chemo but she died to soon. He goes back to work in the office in May and he’s going to donate his hair to children with cancer. I hate for him to cut it. It’s well over the 15 inch min. for the donation and looks beautiful. His wife loves it too and is not wanting it to be cut but it’s going to the children and he said he can always grow it back.

Enough of my rambling. I hope things get better for you Jim. I’ll say a prayer for you but it seems my prayers are on a line that’s been disconnected these past 2 years.

Good luck to you,


William March 31, 2022 - 6:33 pm

After years of helping and support my wife threw cancer and running to hospital for operation then treatment and cutting of all here blond hair my heart was broken but I could not show this I just hid it with work hospital runs but there’s never no one there to help the husband as when she passed a way on the Tuesday morning at 11.30 am and the funeral on the 28/01/2022 with no one to get close two as Covid about and with my Helth not been so good and my son and Grandaughter that is only 11 as family was not in good place but still do not taking to me as they weir never there till last 6 month one or two days as my sister did more and I do strongly every day with the loss and the anger that could did more but she was hay to see a new kitchen I fitted and new bath she all ways wanted done so she only got 1 year 6 month to enjoy it but she not in pain no more that’s the only thing that helps

Jayne Addis February 5, 2022 - 12:44 pm

I’m seeing an old flame that I love very much. His companion passed unexpectantly 5 months ago. He called on me. I’m their for him in every aspect & griefing with him because it hurts my heart to see his heart hurt. The problem, one day hes calling, texting, making us plans and the next couple of days, nothing, then 2 or 3 days later I here from him. How should I be during this time?

Derrick February 7, 2022 - 8:33 am

Maybe supportive but also set limits for yourself? Tough call.

yolie February 8, 2022 - 7:11 pm

Hi Jayne, I am now in that exact same situation so I am wondering how things turned out and if you have any advice

Greg April 18, 2022 - 8:10 pm

I’m not one to be giving advice on this stuff since it’s so new to me but I can tell you how I feel and I know about love and maybe that’s the way your guy is feeling. If he’s as old as I am and married for as long as I was with my wife he may never get over it. At times he feels like he’s cheating on his dead wife or girl friend by being with you is the reason he’s so unpredictable at times.
I met the beautiful little blonde haired, blue eyed girl that would one day become my wife as she was walking up the stairs from her 3 grade class room. I was in the 4th grade and she walked up to me and spoke to me in the hall way. A vision I’ll never forget. There is love at first sight no matter how old your are. I don’t think I could ever date another woman because I would feel like I was cheating on the love of my life. And besides that the thoughts of possibly falling in love again with someone else and having them to also get struck down with cancer and having to watch them die in agony for 2 years like my wife while I was able to do nothing but care for her would be more than I could ever stand again. If I survive this time it’ll be a miracle.. An artery in my heart ruptured the morning Lillian died in my arms and I almost died in the hospital a few days later. Dying of a broken heart is for real and it’s the worse experience anyone can ever go though if you love that person more than life it’s self. And you don’t know how you’re going to feel from one minute to the next. So making plans one day are totally different to what you’re feeling the next day is the reason you probably don’t hear from him at times.
I hope only the best for you and may god be with you and your loved one. If he ever gets to where he can move on you know how deeply he’s capable of loving someone by seeing how he is reacting now. A man like that when he falls in love will fight the devil himself to the ends of the Earth to protect you. I don’t think you would want a man that would forget his loved one very easily. He wouldn’t be loyal to you either if he did.
This is just me sitting here in agony on another sleepless night telling you how I feel which maybe the way he feels. Even though you’ll probably never read this because it’s a fairly old post I’m answering. Maybe someone else will and they’ll see what a man in agony over the lost of the love of his life is feeling.

yolanda April 19, 2022 - 9:39 pm

this was helpful for me thank you

Janet December 26, 2021 - 10:31 pm

I am dating a widower but its only been a month in a half his wife passed 7 years ago. Things were going great until 2 days ago (Christmas) he was having some memories and now needs some space is this normal?

Derrick December 27, 2021 - 11:07 am

Hard to say. Seven years is a while ago, but holidays are tough for people.

Kate December 16, 2021 - 10:34 pm

How do i comfort a widower with young kids. Thanks

Greg April 19, 2022 - 6:44 pm

With lots and lots of hugs would be a good start along with a shoulder to cry on.

Eileen Melman July 10, 2022 - 1:29 pm

Thank you for your written words … I am in total agony and pain as well .. I have a therapist and psychiatrist and take my meds … yet each day is a hurdle for me :: extremely lonely sad and my mind never stops …. I feel your pain and I empathize with you .. wish my small family are not doing for me … NOONE UNDESTSNDS TILL IT HSPPENS TO HOM IR HER .. I truly truly believe this for a fact Stay healthy and take care of all your needs your Lillian wants you to do that like my JAY JAY WANTS FOR ME 👊🏻🙏🏻

Brent Robeson October 21, 2021 - 1:22 am

I have been a widower for 6 months. My biological family told me they are not going to help me in anyway. They treat me like the red headed step child. They call it tough love. I call it hurtful. Am I wrong in needing help, comfort, kind words. I have had many unkind words from my family. My biological family says it all my fault that am in this situation. Is it really my fault.

Derrick October 21, 2021 - 9:11 am

They say it’s your fault that you’re in what situation? A widow?

Sheila C December 27, 2021 - 5:17 pm

I am so sorry that you’re being rejected from your family on top of your loss. I pray God will and he can see you through. We need family, friends and a whole village to lean on. May God continue to bless you.

Brian January 19, 2022 - 8:29 pm

I’ve been a widower for less than a week now and every day is a challenge. I don’t have any family near me, but can’t imagine what you are going through. I’m very sorry for your loss.

Jim April 11, 2022 - 3:45 pm

If a biological family rejects a grieving widower/widow, then, like Sheila C. above says, maybe a whole village of non-biological family is the best recourse. Good luck, Brent, I believe there is such a village.

Greg April 19, 2022 - 7:21 pm

Ohhh, they’ll find out one day what it’s like if they actually love anyone at all. As for me the “situation”, as they put it, after just recently becoming a widower would be hazardous to their health if they said something like that to me at the wrong time. During this never ending grief I’m a totally different person at times, feeling are all over the place. Sometimes I feel so angry I could kick walls down and stomp on people that have done me wrong and would not feel a thing and other times I can’t stop crying and I’m supposed to be a pretty tough old bird. Just stay away from them they’re not helping you even a little bit with their so called “tough love”.

Debbie August 8, 2021 - 5:49 am

I’m dating a widower, and his wife has been gone 15 months. I see him as growing more distant and colder with time. It’s truly hurting me. He refuses to take care of himself, won’t seek medical attention, and even his family and friends don’t seem to pay attention. I love him very much, but watching him is breaking my heart.

Derrick August 9, 2021 - 7:45 am

Sorry to hear. He may need more time, or he’s trying to make a new relationship happen too soon? I hope he has seen someone to help talk through it.


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